The green roof is an exercise in absurdity: a mixture of futility, contradiction, and unsustainability. Green roofs are fairly recent phenomenon (or perhaps an ancient one being rediscovered within the city) intended to provide cooling and warmth; beauty and functionality while using wasted space outdoors. I didn’t allow the absence of a roof stop me from my dreams of environmental stewardship, so I built a roof—indoors. Unfortunately the recipe, followed blindly, led to a whole new set of problems. It blocks most of the natural and artificial light that once entered my studio, blocks the fire sprinklers, and has introduced various unwanted insects. The paltry crops of wheatgrass and mung beans grown were tasteless and unjustifiably-expensive when all the costs were taken into consideration.